I Do Not Have My Stuff Together

I do not have my stuff together.  You want to know a little secret?  No one does.

I really wanted to write: I do not have my shit together.  You want to know a little secret?  No one does.

Does the expletive surprise you?  It should.  I am not the straight arrow, goody two shoes, or Mary Poppins character some people have described or perceived me as.

Am I a Christian?  Yes.

Am I a mid 30s woman?  Yes.

Am I a mom of two young boys?  Yes.

Am I a wife?  Yes.

Am I stressed?  Yes.

Am I blessed?  Yes.

Am I loved?  Yes.

Am I perfect?  No.

Am I getting it ALL done?  No.

Am I sleeping 8-9 hours a night?  No.

Am I getting an A+ on the report card of life?  No.

Is it a competition to get stuff done?  No.

Do your real friends really care if you get things done?  No.

Do I always have my day planned? No.

Is my husband happy today?  I’m not sure.

Are my kids turning out “okay?”  I’m not sure.

Is my husband a rock star?  I’m not sure.

Am I rock star?  I’m not sure.

Why do children die and people have cancer?  I’m not sure.

Will we all meet in heaven?  I’m not sure.

Will I get some comments on this post?  I’m not sure.

Being away from home last week for an impromptu getaway taught me a lot in seven days.  I decided to book a last minute flight to join my husband half way across the country at his annual work conference.  In less than 24 hours  I flew from Florida to Missouri without our kids.  I flew solo.

Most people want or need some solo time.  Most people thought I was a little crazy for booking a flight and planning a trip in 24 hours.  A girl’s (or guy’s) trip is pretty sweet; I’m not going to lie.  I recommend them.  However, it is not always possible to getaway alone.  We have work, school, kids, logistics to consider: time, money, etc.

I booked this trip on faith people.  I had faith in my heavenly Father.  I had faith in my family and friends.  I had a peace that surpasses even my understanding.  I went.

While on my travels I went to a store in Kansas City named Stuff.  I bought my younger sister a ring that I will give her from Christmas, and the clerks gave me two free stickers to promo their store and say thanks for the purchase.  The stickers say, “Pursue Good Stuff.”  Good stuff you ask?  What the fuck is that?  Good stuff is what you deem good.  Good stuff is what others deem good.  Good stuff is whatever makes you joyful.  Good stuff may be different for you versus me.  I stuck that sticker on the back of my phone so I can see it daily for awhile.  I have another sticker I will mail to a reader who comments on this post.  Make sure to include your email if you don’t know me personally so I can contact you by mail with the tiny gift.

You are a gift.  God made me pretty awesome too according to my very wise husband.  Bask in that.  Read that again.  God made me pretty damn awesome!  Oh say it out loud if you must.

“GOD made ME pretty DAMN AWESOME!”

Damn.  We carefully need to choose the words we say and how we say them.  I taught our first born son how to appropriately use the words “Damn!” appropriately.  It can be used in a positive or negative context:

“Damn, you look good!” 🙂

“Damn it!”  (the eggs just broke all over the floor).

“Damn it” is my favorite expletive.  In front of others I may say “dang it” or “dad gum it.” But really it is a good expression.  It feels good to get words out.

Words are a big deal, and we carefully need to choose how we talk to our friends.  We carefully need to choose what we buy for ourselves and others.  We carefully need to choose where we spend our time.  We carefully need to choose when you need to throw you hands up and surrender to say to someone, anyone…

“I do not have my stuff together!”

Deep breath.  It’s going to be okay.  Keep breathing.

It is the time of year when we focus on blessings.  I am daily prepping my heart for Thanksgiving.  I have decided it is my new favorite holiday.  I am still counting my gifts.  Thinking about gratitude, and writing thousands of gifts down on the computer or on paper changes you.  For example:

My house is awesome!  I have shelter. Neighbors and my own kids like to play here.

My clothes are awesome!  They range from free hand me overs to high end.  I’m clothed.

My kids are awesome!  They get As, Bs, Cs, Ds, and even Fs sometimes! I love them.

My husband is awesome!  He seems fearless, and yet he’s OK to admit when he is fearful.  He listens.  He is my friend.  He is a fighter when the time is right as am I.

My immediate and extended family are awesome!  We love unconditionally.  We care.

My friends are awesome!  They range in age, location, profession, & beliefs.  They’re cool.

My faith in a Heavenly Father is awesome!  I believe He watches over all.  I believe he’s big.

Even if you don’t have a home, clothes that you like, kids, a spouse, family, friends, or faith in anything/anyone in particular, you do have a soul that needs tending.  Find one of the above awesome things.  If you don’t know The Father, ask someone who knows how God can be a Light.  Ask your friends to tell you what they believe and why.  Don’t judge.  Just listen.  Don’t gossip; work on talking to yourself in your head before you talk to others about others.  Make your own decisions.  The choice is yours and so are the consequences.

Don’t hate.  Love.  Don’t leave this world by choice.  Leave this world knowing that you have a place and purpose here.  Don’t clean up after everyone.  It is not your job.  Eat healthy foods and drink only real stuff.  Exercise.  Be spontaneous or plan things out.

Do I love my life?  YES!

Does your life matter?  YES!

Do we need to love one another including ourselves?  YES!

Goodbye.  Adios.  Peace out.  Thanks for coming over.  Namaste.  Amen.  Until next time.


Jenn Cook


3 thoughts on “I Do Not Have My Stuff Together

  1. Amen, Jenn. As it appears that I have failed, for the second time to be admitted to PA school, I feel a little embarrassed, a little confused. But I have that peace that surpasses all understanding. I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for me. So, since my plans haven’t panned out I’m gonna roll with it until His plan is revealed. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s