I’m Not Afraid Anymore

I’m not afraid of depression or anxiety anymore.  I have learned that the fear of failure is okay.  In finding peace with myself, my Savior, and with my emotions I became more confident and calm.

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This blog is about grace.  I was asked last night by Amy, a new woman I met, “What do you blog about?”

I told her…”I have a faith based blog, but I write about our family, capture memories, and write about whatever I feel like really.”

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Today, I rose before dawn per usual.  I took some photographs around the house to test out new photography info I gleaned last night on a mom’s night out dinner.  The manual mode of our good camera is not something I have played with before, but I did it today!  Now, I link this post with other Five Minute Friday bloggers.  We write on Fridays for five minutes on a prompt word.  This week: “Fear.”

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I was a bit fearful during childhood.  I did not like new situations…so I would suck my thumb, then converted to biting my nails, and continued with anxiety into adulthood.  I covered it up pretty well then and now.  We all like to hide the broken aspects of our personality.  Here, I’m free to write how I feel and see myself.  I can even zoom up on the cracks that I now view as beautiful parts of the way God made me.  I’m an introverted analytical girl.  I think about the details of everything and everyone.  I analyze others and myself.  I look carefully and ponder the feelings within text, nature, and people.  Do you?

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I used to be afraid of being a good enough wife and mother.  I still have fleeting thoughts tied into that, but again, that is who I am.  I have found a place of grace.  I can say to myself:  “I’m a good mom.”  “I’m a good wife.”  “I’m a good friend.”  “I’m a good sister and daughter.”  I’m good because God made me in His image.  He is good…therefore WE are good.  YOU are good.

Dear God,

You are good, full of grace, and love unconditionally.

Forgive me when I don’t show the good side of me, am stingy on grace, or love with a contrite spirit.

Thank you for showing me that broken is beautiful, and in our brokenness we find more of You.

When we admit that we cannot do today on our own we let You show us your face in others, experiences, and in the images that are good in this world. 

May we count our gifts of grace today.

Amen.


A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick.


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p.s. This Bible verse does NOT mean that you may not need medicine.  I take medicine daily and it helps my broken mind become whole, lovely, and healthy.  I used to fear the side effects, but now I embrace the good effects.  If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or any other feelings that seem to big to bear…pray to God, talk to a counselor, and seek medical advice on what medicines, blood work, exercise, and/or diet may be right for you.  We are each unique.  My story is only one…mine.
p.p.s. Trying out a new feature recommended by Dan @fistbumpmedia: click to tweet.
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5 thoughts on “I’m Not Afraid Anymore

  1. Your sweet, thoughtful spirit comes through in your words. I love how you share your life and your heart here. And I really enjoyed the pictures you took! This line, in your beautiful prayer, was my favorite: ‘Thank you for showing me that broken is beautiful, and in our brokenness we find more of You.” Amen! Happy Friday!

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  2. You and I share the same brain. 🙂

    I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life. There is not a time that I can recall that it wasn’t with me. Eventually, the constant fear plunged me into a deep depression, one that included suicide ideation. (By the grace of God, my husband came home earlier than he was supposed to the evening I planned to take my life). I was in therapy for a year-and-a-half and took medication for almost three years. I’m unable to be on anything now because of health issues, and I’ll be honest: I miss it!

    Your reminder that God is good and that He loves us is precious to me today. Thank you for your encouragement! And may you be reminded in a special way that He is always there, always ready to listen and lift you up.

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    1. Marie…we are a lot alike! I too had suicidal ideas many years ago…I went to a lot of counseling and have had various meds. Thankfully my mental and physical health are stable now. I am thankful to be able to share my story so others may gain comfort and companionship even if it is virtual. Hope you have a restful weekend. Are you going to the FMF retreat? Jenn

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      1. Hey, we’re online at the same time!

        No, I’m not going to the retreat. Don’t have the money for it. But I’m excited for everyone who is and I think that those of us who are staying home are going to try and have ourselves a little Twitter party of our own. 🙂

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