My struggles with anxiety and depression are personal. I do share at times, and at other times I keep these hidden in the cupboard of my heart. As a part of Hello Mornings, an online group of encouraging ladies who study the Bible together daily, our leader challenged us today to share a picture that reflects our testimony. This is it for me.
I am me. I am broken. I am beautiful. I’m living proof that God redeems hearts, minds, and bodies. I have given birth to two beautiful boys. They are now nearly 5 and 8 years old. It was not easy becoming a mom. I thought it was my dream! It is my dream. But, at times it was a nightmare. I struggled greatly with becoming a stay at home mom with our first son. It was lonely. It was joyful. The highs and lows of motherhood are intense. Ask a mom if you’re not one.
The one thing that killed things for my spirit was the lack of sleep and the neediness of our boys. I love them dearly, but oh my word they were, and they still are very needy. Love grows, patience grows, and anxiety grew big time for me. When my anxiety became too great…I would shut down and become depressed. I questioned my worth. I slept more or slept less. It was a battle with the beast of darkness. I wanted to see the light, but at times I just could not. I went to counselors, I talked with my family, I prayed…I took many different combinations of medications over the years. Some years are better than others.
Thankful today that today my grandmother’s tea cup is filled with two little pills that balance me out…for now. I still struggle with insomnia, and I bite my nails on occasion (a life long habit). New situations or unknown outcomes still stress me out. When my children crumble into tantrums…I have to walk away and pray through those with them. My husband is a rock star. I am a back up singer. We work well together, and we “sing and dance” through the daily grind. Life is not easy. Genetics and life circumstances can make things even more complicated.
If you are suffering from anxiety or depression OR both…you are not alone. There is a God that loves you, and there are people to help you. Keep asking for help. Go to your appointments. Pray. Count your blessings. Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts was a life changer for me. It got me blogging, and it has opened my eyes to the little and big blessings that are all around us.
Today I am up early…again. It is 4:18 a.m. I have been up for nearly an hour. I have fasting blood work later today to explore my hormones, etc. It is an ongoing female thing (and some males too). I do not understand the puzzles of mental health. However, I do know that good friends are willing to be with you, exercise with you, pray with you, and help as you ask. So…grab your meds if you have them…take them…if they are not working…go get a second opinion. If you have a counselor…go see him or her too. I have seen many…some better than others. Know you are never alone.
We praise you for your Almighty Power.
Please forgive us when we want things to be easy and in our control.
We ask that you help us be sensitive to our needs and the needs of others.
May we yield this day to counting our blessings and giving love to ourselves and others.
“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”